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To Date or Not to Date?

Author: Caleb Beets Category: Parenting

Every week I go to Marcus and Flower Mound High School to see our students at their school lunches. Almost every week I talk to a guy or girl who is upset or frustrated at their boyfriend or girlfriend. The story that I am told is different almost every time, but the source by which this story has developed is almost always the same. One of the main problems, besides our sinful nature, with high school relationships is found in the way students are raised.

I have talked with several girls bawling their eyes out because their boyfriend broke up with them or cheated on them, and they don't know why. The ironic thing about them being confused about this is just two months earlier I told them it would happen. I find it very interesting that parents are encouraging their students to date when they put no other responsibility on them in any other area of life, and then they think that their student can handle the responsibility of a relationship. When most of our guys are raised in an atmosphere where they get everything they want and have to do nothing in return, it's no surprise to me that these relationships end with wounded hearts and purity taken. By doing this we are raising boys who do not know how to cultivate anything and want everything given to them. And when they stop getting what they want, they simply move on to the next best thing.

Our girls are raised in an equally dangerous atmosphere where fathers are not present or active in their life. Because of this missing father figure, our girls are out on a search to feel loved by any male figure they can find, and they will give anything to get that love and attention. Having our students raised with this mindset is a disaster waiting to happen. We have guys running around who can't cultivate anything and all they want is for girls to fulfill their physical desires, and we have girls running around who want any form of male affection they can find, and we get lots of hurt students and angry parents who don't know why this is happening.

My hope in writing this is that parents would see where they are failing their students and students would stop looking to each other to fulfill these desires. I understand that everyone's situation is different and that there are lots of other reasons why high school relationships don't work, but for the sake of not writing a 10 page blog, this is all I want to focus on for now. My encouragement to our students is to take this time in life to focus on God and their relationship with him. Most of the time your relationship with that guy or girl is going to mean the end of your relationship with God. I know this is not what you want to hear but, if you will hear me then you will most like save yourself a lot of pain and regret.

To our parents out there, I don't know if I could ever beg you enough to love your students well. Don't let your sons just sit on their butts and do nothing but play Xbox. Make them get a job or have responsibilities at home. Don't just let them be consumers who never work for anything, because they will become lazy and cultivate things that are destructive. Fathers please spend time with your daughters, show them that you care, and don't let a little boy come into their life and replace you!